Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that nobody is keeping score. And if "they" are, well, that says something about them, doesn't it? And as for the relationship partners who're looking for the bigger, better deal? Guess what: they're wrong for you anyway. It may seem like sour grapes, but what kind of person ditches you over something trivial? And if the reason wasn't trivial, well, I think that should speak for itself.
I've had a lot of failed relationships and been heartbroken from time to time. There is nothing quite like that crushing feeling, something like a wine press on your whole being. But as Nietzsche so famously penned, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." That may sound pretty ****ing cliche when you feel like you've had your guts stomped out, but it can be true (though it may not feel as such). Surviving through the wrong relationships can equip you not to screw up the right ones. That means knowing what to expect to some extent, and learning a bunch about yourself in the process -- what you need, what makes you tick, and how you show love to others. (Yes, people show love differently and want to be shown love differently. We're not all that different, but we're not all the same either).
If this perspective is helpful for anyone, my wife and I have been together for over 10 years now, and married for 3. We were friends before we got serious, though there was always a mutual attraction. But right from the get-go, I had come out of some badly failed relationships, so we had quite a serious discussion early on in our relationship to define what each of us expected of it. I was amazed to discover that her "requirements", for lack of a better word, lined up something close to perfectly with my own, and I think she felt something similar. One of the more generic details which might help you out is that we agreed never to do the whole "break up, get back together" drama bullshit that so many young couples do. It trivializes your relationship and, worse still, trivializes eachother as people. As such, we made an unoffical but firm covenant that if we broke up, it'd be a finality. As a result, we took each of the inevitable arguments, the hurt feelings, and hurt pride which would ensue with a proverbial grain of salt. Was it worth destroying what we had over a minor dispute? Was it worth wrecking our love for eachother by escalating petty issues to major ones? It really makes you think about how you will react next, even in the heat of emotion, when you realize a bit of the gravity of the situation.
They say you never know what you have until you lose it. That's certainly true in relationships, be it for better or worse. So I exhort you, fellow forum geeks and all-around decent human beings, to find out what is important and what is trivial, and then treat each with the appropriate portion of your attentions. And as you learn and grow, which is what good human beings do, you'll find out that some things you thought were crucial were merely icing on the cake. Conversely, some things which are cast aside by many are the things we should strive for and dedicate ourselves to. It seems part of living is figuring out which is which.
